Few months ago, I completed a Foundation in Psychology course. One of the topics addressed were depression and anxiety.
At that time, I was so curious to learn, curious to understand where depression even began. I learned about bio-psycho-social factors used to assess a patient and everything else. I found out that stress could cause depression and if not taken care of, can lead to suicide. My heart goes out to all those suffering from depression and anxiety. I'm just thankful however, that my anxiety hasn't gone any farther from losing appetite and sleepless nights. So for all those who are depressed and suffering from anxiety, here's what I want you to know.
You are not alone.. here's a poem I wrote recently.
If only the world could see
How lonely and dark I feel
If only I was sure about all of these
I could've made them understand
What was bothering me
But years passed, choices made, chances taken,
I'm still stuck in this world I live in
Though in the peak of success,
I still struggle to breath in
The sadness that comes from nowhere
The thoughts that bind me up
If this is reality
I choose not to take part of it,
If this is pain
I decide not to recognize it and
If this is life
Is it okay if I choose not to live it?
The murmurs of the public
As they look at me with confusion
Like how they'd define what I feel
As if medical dictionaries are enough
It is only I who knows this
It is only I who can comprehend
What it feels like to be lonely,
shut off from society, treated like a crap
These words are heavy as I write it
My heartbeat beating weakly every second I remind myself
That I have to live with it
The same time I have to fight it
With every blow of innocent negativity
I desire to free myself from these ropes
That's keeping me insane
At stake, in shock, in need of love
Turning around looking at each one
Telling my story
My life, my experience as they judge me.
However happy I may feel or how success may be within my reach – it could never pay back
For all those years, months, weeks, days, minutes, seconds
That anxiety has drowned me.
After writing this poem, I realized a few things: I am the reason why I feel alone, I am the one feeding my self pity until it grew, and no one's to blame. Sometimes, we rely too much on this world for our happiness when in fact, NOTHING in this world will ever be enough to make us happy or okay. It is with you and with me to choose to make a difference. It is for us to get up when we fall down. So my message for you is: Get up, don't let anxiety drown you and eventually eat you up til you're done. Beat it and keep going! Let it be merely a phase in life that will come to pass.
If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here for you.. Praying and hoping that you get over it with God's help.
Thanks for making it to this portion of the internet. I am truly grateful to each one of you for reading my entries! Most of what I've written here are unspoken words — words I wish I could've said or shared with anyone in person but has remained in my heart until I was able to write it in here.
My life's full of downs than ups, but through it all, I have seen and tasted the sweetness of God's grace and love. With that, I can tell you with a convinced heart that God is faithful, He is good and He never runs out of love for you and for me. Hope you enjoy your read(s)!
Rest if you must, but don't you quit!
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