We received the news this morning. My grandfather has passed away...
Growing up in the UAE, I never really had the chance to spend as much time with my relatives aside from those who live or have visited here. When I was just 2 months old, my parents brought me to the Philippines that I was first raised by my grandma in my father's side. I also knew my grandparents from my mother's side. They were both so kind and loving to me. I would often spend some nights with them and enjoyed everything we did together. Although I only hold a few memories of my grandparents in my mother's side, I can truly say that they loved me and made sure that I felt just that. There was this one time that a festival was happening in our place (Masskara), that I remember they took me out and bought me an orange fringe top and shorts. I don't know why I'm tearing up as I'm writing this, but maybe it's from the sadness in knowing that for the past 17 years, I have never ever gone back to the Philippines and that I will never get to spend more time with them. This feeling is horrible.
My grandparents in my mom's side are truly very humble people; they didn't live an extravagant life, but managed to raise my mom and her siblings pretty well. All that I am, I would always owe to them. Sad thing is they never saw both my sisters aside from pictures. I felt this sadness way back in 2011 when my grandma died, and now my granddad. Isn't it so surreal that God who gives has now taken away? My grandparents are precious and I haven't even told them how much I longed to see them again. I was feeling strange last night that I slept at past 1 midnight as I was too busy with my thoughts until I remembered my granddad. I brought him in prayer and asked God for him to feel better and recover soon so we'd still have the chance to bond with Him. And not every prayer gets answered, right? He died this morning in His sleep whilst at the hospital. Despite the medical treatments given to Him, he sadly didn't make it, and left us severely heartbroken.
At this very moment, I am reminding myself that God is in control of the storm-- of the raging seas. There's been a show of mixed emotions this morning, and I couldn't help but be pulled down by this grief. Even then, I know that tomorrow this feeling will change and slowly, I will learn to accept and live life just as it is. I thank God for His ways aren't my ways and His thoughts aren't my thoughts. This is a huge difference for us, but even in the darkness, Jesus is good and I trust that someday I'll meet all my loved ones and have a special reunion with them. Please continue praying for my family as we go through this big challenge and season in our lives. If you're going through the same situation, remember that God is good despite the grief. I love you, Jesus loves you.
To my Lolo Ming,
I will always love you with all my heart. I'm so unhappy that you couldn't wait for us to go back home, but I know that you're in better hands now. No more suffering for you. You will always see me as your 4-year old grandchild as you haven't been with me all throughout, but I will always know and remember you as the best grandfather ever. I will always miss the way you call us "Mga apo's" (grandchildren) whenever we talk on the phone. Hug Lola Dako for me please, and tell her I miss her too!!!
I love you both.
Thanks for making it to this portion of the internet. I am truly grateful for each one of you for reading my entries! Most of what I've written here are unspoken words — words I wish I could've said or shared with anyone in person but has remained in my heart until I was able to write it in here.
My life's full of downs than ups, but through it all, I have seen and tasted the sweetness of God's grace and love. With that, I can tell you with a convinced heart that God is faithful, He is good and He never runs out of love for you and for me. Hope you enjoy your read(s)!
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