When life is so messy, it's easy to doubt and give up.
Through the years, it has become undeniable or inevitable that each of us go through trials that are way bearable; more than what we can even imagine. Sometimes, we feel like it's the end of the world and we've got no way out and could no longer go too far. Often times, life for us,becomes a series of lost expectations, hurt, anxiety and depression, and a whole lot of pain. Immense pain that's as sharp as a knife — good enough to kill someone or in this case, us -- the sufferer; the victims of this but broken world. As a 19 year-old teenager, I can almost say that I've suffered long enough to recover from the misery of the past. I may be exaggerating a bit but I can tell you — I've experienced stuff other people my age haven't. Well, it's nothing like the ones you see on TV, but it's something that has always been on the inside. It's like a battle against something I haven't known back then.
24th of February, 2016.
Approximately 7 years ago, I (we) had a kitten named Anta. At exactly this date, our longhair gave birth to three cute little kittens of which Anta was the youngest. He was a little small and less hairy than the first two, but he was nevertheless a junior or a carbon copy of his father — Anta Senior which was given to us by a vet as a Christmas gift. Unluckily we lost Anta jr. years later, around 2012 if I'm right. He was either stolen or hit by a car since he has gotten used to being a garden cat after he started mating. I just remember how miserable it was for me especially because he was my own cat. Well, I chose him among all our other cats because to me, he was special. The only thing I can do now is to post pictures about him and wish that he's doing fine wherever he is. If he's with another family, I just hope that his needs are well taken care of. Or if he's astray, I hope someone somehow gets the initiative to save him from the streets. I don't know, I just feel a little nostalgic about things that this day has always meant a lot of me. I miss this dude and his cuteness, if only I could bring back time.
Hey guys, I missed posting here and as you may have noticed, there are a lot of changes here. If the page was green before, it's white now and I've added few pages as well and this is one of them. So, I've been writing a poem lately and this is what I've come up with. I don't know what inspired me to do this but I kind of looked at and put myself in the position of a girl who wants the guy to admit his feelings for her but he just couldn't. Please,, bear with the choppy lines. I'm still learning here!
Just Tell Me
I passed by your side, you saw me
And then that smile of yours began to falter slowly
Our eyes have met but you looked away
I don't know what to say, now I feel empty
I am so unaware of what you feel
It's weird, though, so surreal
If it is you my heart says,
Why do I feel this way?
What if you leave me broken and pieces apart,
Will you come back, and mend it for me?
I wonder, will you be the one
Who will never fool me or break me?
Will you love me no matter what?
Will you promise to never break my heart?
Love is a foolish thing,
It wants what it wants, it gives and it takes
And has always been a part of our fate
Yet now, it's something hard to grasp
And to keep on going, is for us, becoming a hard task
I can't comprehend what's going on
I need a second glimpse to see if I am strong
Strong enough to let you know
That you are all and all I need for my tomorrow
But, why has there always been a but
Whenever I think of both of us?
Can't we be happy, just that easy?
I want US to happen, but it seems so impossible
I get afraid and my heart is beating slowly
I don't know if this will last
Or in the end, will surely pass
I'm waiting for that perfect time
when you will finally have the guts
to tell just how much you need me, I'm going nuts
Just tell me what you need to say
Don't be a freak and ran away
Tell me what you feel -- this is making me ill
Just be brave to tell me, just tell me, please
My heart says yes, but my brain says no
I'm rather confused, I hope you know
I don't understand this nor have I ever felt this
It's good but it's bad the same
Cause you break my heart just by walking away
Pretending you never saw me, having nothing to say
You turned your back, my ears are in heat
No hi's or hello's, tell me, what's going on?
Is it just me who skips a heartbeat?
Or is it just me who needs someone to hold
Please, just tell me - it's worth more than gold
All I just need to know is
Can We ever be?
Or is there even a We?
Was there an US and will there ever be?
Just tell me, know that I'm not in a hurry
But I sure need to know if there's even a you and me.
Boy, I missed posting here!
I was planning to post a little update (including a Valentine's special) but I'm running out of time so this may be all for now.
Anyway, the past few months or weeks, I've been really hooked up to my Hillsong playlist and I thought I'd like to share it to you too :) For now, here are my top 2:
1. Touch The Sky - I so love the melody and every single thing especially the meaning of the song. I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground.
2. Closer Than You Know - I love the meaning, the lyrics and the end part. Listen to it now!
A really short post, I know. I won't describe the songs further because one: I'm really running behind time in this Internet cafe and two: I wanna give the song its way to speak to you. Thanks y'all!
I live an ordinary life; striving and making it work in the giant sandpit aka Dubai. My life isn't perfect (I wish it was!) But I guess there's something about the imperfection in my journey that makes it worth the write and share. I believe that we don't have to have everything figured out because if we do, a lifetime won't be enough.
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