When life is so messy, it's easy to doubt and give up.
Through the years, it has become undeniable or inevitable that each of us go through trials that are way bearable; more than what we can even imagine. Sometimes, we feel like it's the end of the world and we've got no way out and could no longer go too far. Often times, life for us,becomes a series of lost expectations, hurt, anxiety and depression, and a whole lot of pain. Immense pain that's as sharp as a knife – good enough to kill someone or in this case, us – the sufferer; the victims of this but broken world. As a 19 year-old teenager, I can almost say that I've suffered long enough to recover from the misery of the past. I may be exaggerating a bit but I can tell you – I've experienced stuff other people my age haven't. Well, it's nothing like the ones you see on TV, but it's something that has always been on the inside. It's like a battle against something I haven't known back then.
There are times when I struggle finding that peace of mind which always distracts me from things I have to do and probably the positivity that must've been there right at that time. Occasionally, I feel this blank mind and disrupted focus that I'm not sure about what I should be doing. I start to pity myself for not being able to do things I should've done or places I should've went to, people I could've met – all these petty things that seemed so essential and of a big deal to me that time. I wonder, what was in me long way back that almost got me out of mind? I seem to have bigger problems now but I was way worst prior to these days. Was it just part of growing up that I have finally outgrown?
Now, in the present time, I still feel that pang of self pity and comparison between myself and other people but out of the blue, I suddenly feel a hand helping me up or a pair of arms carrying me back to the shore making sure I get right back on track. I don't know if you've been through the same thing in your life that you begin to get rid of all the positivity and embrace the negativity. I think everyone, in one way or another, have encountered fighting for peace within you and your surroundings, wherever that may be. The only thing I can share to you or most likely advice you is that – it's easy to give up, it's easy to just sleep your problems off and wallow in despair, but sometimes, it does take the will to get back up, the will to continue this race with perseverance and the willingness to call on to God whether things get rough or when things are just going fine.
Growing up, I've heard a lot of Christian stories speaking about hope and endurance and security in God that have inspired and reminded me that God has always been by my side. If you've heard or if you know about The Footprints In The Sand, well and good. If not, I'm going to post it here and I hope you get the point of what this post is all about. When you go through hard times, don't ever think that God has left you; He didn't.Sometimes, it just takes a sound mind to realize that it was you who has looked at things the wrong way and God had nothing to do with it all along.
I'm sharing this because I've been through it and still going through it somehow, albeit I'm100% sure that I'm not walking this journey alone, because of the circumstances I face, I just absent-mindlessly forget about all the things above.
Let's get reminded that God has always been good no matter what. Smile big!
Footprints In The Sand
One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he notice two sets of footprints in the sand:
One belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the
path of his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome
times in my life there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed
You most you would leave me.”
The lord replied, “My precious child, I love you
and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering, when
you see only one set of footprints in the sand,
it was then that I carried you.”
This story really brings me back to the times in my life where I felt like God has abandoned me. Sometimes, I even feel like I'm all alone and I just need someone to breathe air into what I feel like a lifeless body. But then again, I'm going back to square one –
Jesus + Nothing = Everything.
If you're reading this and you can relate to it, don't let take it too long, do the most wonderful thing anyone could ever do – that is to surrender everything to God and let Him carry you too. I love you, but I am most certain that God loves you more!
24th of February, 2016.
Approximately 7 years ago, I (we) had a kitten named Anta. At exactly this date, our longhair gave birth to three cute little kittens of which Anta was the youngest. He was a little small and less hairy than the first two, but he was nevertheless a junior or a carbon copy of his father — Anta Senior which was given to us by a vet as a Christmas gift. Unluckily we lost Anta jr. years later, around 2012 if I'm right. He was either stolen or hit by a car since he has gotten used to being a garden cat after he started mating. I just remember how miserable it was for me especially because he was my own cat. Well, I chose him among all our other cats because to me, he was special. The only thing I can do now is to post pictures about him and wish that he's doing fine wherever he is. If he's with another family, I just hope that his needs are well taken care of. Or if he's astray, I hope someone somehow gets the initiative to save him from the streets. I don't know, I just feel a little nostalgic about things that this day has always meant a lot of me. I miss this dude and his cuteness, if only I could bring back time.
Hey guys, I missed posting here and as you may have noticed, there are a lot of changes here. If the page was green before, it's white now and I've added few pages as well and this is one of them. So, I've been writing a poem lately and this is what I've come up with. I don't know what inspired me to do this but I kind of looked at and put myself in the position of a girl who wants the guy to admit his feelings for her but he just couldn't. Please,, bear with the choppy lines. I'm still learning here!
Just Tell Me
I passed by your side, you saw me
And then that smile of yours began to falter slowly
Our eyes have met but you looked away
I don't know what to say, now I feel empty
I am so unaware of what you feel
It's weird, though, so surreal
If it is you my heart says,
Why do I feel this way?
What if you leave me broken and pieces apart,
Will you come back, and mend it for me?
I wonder, will you be the one
Who will never fool me or break me?
Will you love me no matter what?
Will you promise to never break my heart?
Love is a foolish thing,
It wants what it wants, it gives and it takes
And has always been a part of our fate
Yet now, it's something hard to grasp
And to keep on going, is for us, becoming a hard task
I can't comprehend what's going on
I need a second glimpse to see if I am strong
Strong enough to let you know
That you are all and all I need for my tomorrow
But, why has there always been a but
Whenever I think of both of us?
Can't we be happy, just that easy?
I want US to happen, but it seems so impossible
I get afraid and my heart is beating slowly
I don't know if this will last
Or in the end, will surely pass
I'm waiting for that perfect time
when you will finally have the guts
to tell just how much you need me, I'm going nuts
Just tell me what you need to say
Don't be a freak and ran away
Tell me what you feel -- this is making me ill
Just be brave to tell me, just tell me, please
My heart says yes, but my brain says no
I'm rather confused, I hope you know
I don't understand this nor have I ever felt this
It's good but it's bad the same
Cause you break my heart just by walking away
Pretending you never saw me, having nothing to say
You turned your back, my ears are in heat
No hi's or hello's, tell me, what's going on?
Is it just me who skips a heartbeat?
Or is it just me who needs someone to hold
Please, just tell me - it's worth more than gold
All I just need to know is
Can We ever be?
Or is there even a We?
Was there an US and will there ever be?
Just tell me, know that I'm not in a hurry
But I sure need to know if there's even a you and me.
Boy, I missed posting here!
I was planning to post a little update (including a Valentine's special) but I'm running out of time so this may be all for now.
Anyway, the past few months or weeks, I've been really hooked up to my Hillsong playlist and I thought I'd like to share it to you too :) For now, here are my top 2:
1. Touch The Sky - I so love the melody and every single thing especially the meaning of the song. I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground.
2. Closer Than You Know - I love the meaning, the lyrics and the end part. Listen to it now!
A really short post, I know. I won't describe the songs further because one: I'm really running behind time in this Internet cafe and two: I wanna give the song its way to speak to you. Thanks y'all!
I'm just an ordinary girl who loves to write
But a mist
Life is but a handful of rambutan // Show me who You are
When plans get cancelled
Heaven in Focus
The Sunday Currently | 12
Falling Into You
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