Turning a year older today! Well, unlike my blog entry of when I turned 20, this will be a little different. Maybe because the past year has slightly shaped me up a bit. It might be that some of my perspectives on certain things have changed. As I've mentioned a few blog posts ago, 2015-2016 have been the years where I felt the most distant from God. It's when a lot of "revelations" big or small gave me too much of doubt and confusion that my trust in God uhmmm, lessened. And I won't tell you that I got through those dilemmas the easy way. There was never an easy way. I've had to force myself to get up every morning; to trust that He is still good and to continue to rely on Him every step of the way. I was broken— both emotionally and spiritually that I didn't even know where to start picking up the pieces.
Somewhere along the way though, I've learned very important lessons that changed the way I see things. Here are some of them:
1. Anger will bring you nowhere
I used to be so angry at all the things that were taking place in my life. So mad, that that anger turned into depression and all in all led me to not even know where I stood anymore. I used to think that my family was perfect and it suddenly wasn't. I trusted that many people will see me as the person who's in front of them, but a lot of times I feel like they wanted me to be something more than I can be; someone who'd fit in their criteria of friendship. Actually there are so many reasons, let me restate that: there are so many VALID reasons for me to be angry at many people, but this space isn't just the right place for me to express it AND there would be no use in doing so. Anger will bring you down. Anger lessens your capability to love someone even when they deserve it. Anger hurts you not them. Anger will most likely take you to dark and even darker places where at some point, there will be no escape. Anger— let go of it. Give God your heartaches and fears. Don't bring yourself down by your own thoughts.
2. Some things are just beyond our control
Most definitely, a lot of the things around us are beyond our control or reach. If I could only control things, I would've done so a billion times and turned the wrong into right, but that isn't possible! Some things just have to happen. Mistakes take place; quarrels and disagreements have to exist and that's just the way it is! The good in it though is that I get to see the "hand" working behind it all, guiding me every time. Someday, I'll reach the shore and I'll be seeing the very things that's missing in my life right now. The realization that a better, all-knowing, all-righteous, and an all- powerful God is in control of my life and my story just gives me security in this world of uncertainty.
3. Give it time
When we are hurting, we often try and look for easy fixes and solutions to our problems without recognizing that those "quickies" won't even last for a long time. For a wound to completely heal, it must be given time, for a child to grow into a mature human being, time is also being invested. Everything takes time; and it's in that time that God can bring forth restoration and peace no matter what your situation is. Enter that scenario when two of the worst enemies start giving heartfelt hugs as if they've never disagreed with one another before. And yes, I've seen that situation happen right in front of my eyes meaning it's not impossible... Give it time.
Also wanted to share these words from Rick Warren:
YOU'RE AS HAPPY AS YOU CHOOSE TO BE! IF OTHERS ARE UNHAPPY WITH YOU, THAT'S THEIR CHOICE. IF YOU HAVEN'T GOT SOMEONE'S APPROVAL NOW, YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT GOING TO GET IT. AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE MISERABLE IF YOU TRY TO LIVE FOR THE APPROVAL OF EVERYBODY ELSE.
That's just some of the few things I wanted to emphasize on in this blog entry. I thank God sooo sooo much for seeing me through every moment I was wandering—lost and lonely, even accompanied by self doubt. I thank Him for giving me an open-minded heart to accept the things, people, and responsibilities that was once not there. I thank Him for allowing my family to stand back up after the dark pit that we've fallen into. I thank Him for so many things this year, and some of them just don't seem to make it to this blog. Teehee!
I thank my dad for helping me become a strong person by reminding me about how good God is even when I'm facing my own little problems. I thank my mom for instilling in me a heart that learns to forgive no matter how hard it is. She's my rock! I also thank my siblings for giving me a good time all the time! Without you, life would be dull and grey in color. You make me crazy at times but you never know how proud I am that you call me "Ate" and that is just some sort of a privilege (and a difficult responsibility) but still I love yous.
Time to sleep! It's 4 minutes 'til October hits the 24th and tadaaaaa! Another year, another life!
Good night, sleep tight and don't let the bedbugs bite! xx
Thanks for making it to this portion of the internet. I am truly grateful to each one of you for reading my entries! Most of what I've written here are unspoken words — words I wish I could've said or shared with anyone in person but has remained in my heart until I was able to write it in here.
My life's full of downs than ups, but through it all, I have seen and tasted the sweetness of God's grace and love. With that, I can tell you with a convinced heart that God is faithful, He is good and He never runs out of love for you and for me. Hope you enjoy your read(s)!
Rest if you must, but don't you quit!
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Louvre Museum, Abu Dhabi