Hey everyone! I haven't blogged in here lately due to many reasons.
-Sharing My Story
Last last week, I've been busy preparing for 'My Story' at church. It's a time where anyone can share his/her story and that time, the topic was about hope. As you may know, my life story has been revolving around writing and my never ending hope in God. It's hard to say, but sometimes, I also feel like giving up, but when I remember God's goodness to me and my
family for the past few years, I easily come up with instant hope and confidence on God and His power. I remember writing my story on hope about 4 weeks ago and yes, I was called to share it at church upon stage in front of a lot of people for 3 services. To be honest, when I was
called to do it, I somewhat regretted writing it because I just fear being judged by hundreds of people, and I thought that maybe, I'd be emotional and cry which I did not like to happen. But when I was interviewed beforehand, I was given the details and everything I needed to know
about the thing. I realized that I won't be doing it just for myself, I'll be doing this to encourage people who are going through the same struggles me and my family are going through. And most of all, I will be doing this to impart to people how great is the God I live for. I was nervous the whole time at church and I was actually delirious because I didn't get enough
sleep the night before. And also, I am hyper-acidic, my stomach just produces too much acid that it hurts my tummy really bad especially when I am nervous which happened that Friday. I haven't eaten for 8 hours which was not good for a person suffering from gastritis like me. Even then, I thank God for the courage and strength He has given me all throughout that day. It
went good and I'm just blessed to be a blessing to others.
I would just like to share some of the words I shared that time and I hope it encourages you.
“Whatever you are going through, always remember that when everything else fails, God doesn't. He won't leave you hanging and clueless. Our hope must be on God alone, if we put it on the world, we may get disappointed, criticized from left to right. Our friends, best friends, our closest friends, even our relatives! They could get tired of us, tired of helping us. But God,,,
He never gets tired of us, He never gets tired of hearing our pleas and dramas over and over again. Every set-back that we all get to experience in life, is God setting up something much better. Way better than what we can ever imagine. If God sustained me and my family all throughout these years, He can do the same for you and He can do far greater things. Just
continue to put your Hope in God and surrender everything to Him because He already has won the victory for us.”
-Worship Team Auditions
That same day, I was given the chance to try out again in playing the keyboard. I was not able to practice really well, because I was also busy preparing for my story. And as I've said, I was already delirious at that time and I remember one person asked me what was the key I was playing the song in, and boom! My answer was key of A A A A when it was supposed to be in the key of EEEE. Embarrassed. Anyway, I know ahead of time that I had little chance of passing it because I know I'm not competent enough to meet the high standards of the band, so I told God that if ever I didn't pass the audition the 2nd time around, I'd shift my focus and look for other opportunities to serve at church. Fellowship is big and so, there are a lot of places to serve. I prayed that God would help me accept whatever the decision was. And so, the week after, 23rd, I was told to get some more practice etc in short, I didn't pass... again. But in the back of my mind, I already told God that I won't focus getting in the music team anymore, so that's what I will be doing. I was disappointed, hey, I'm just human! I cried a bit, just a bit. But I think I know where to put myself now. And if ever I feel that God's calling me back and if I know I'm like 1000000000000000% ready with skills and confidence, I'd jump in any time. I can't say no, when God says yes right? So that was it, sad but I'm okay.
I'm officially 19! I turned 19 on October 24. I'm getting older everyday and I can't help but think about the past when I was just 4 years old, spraying water to strangers walking past our house back home in the Philippines. ( I was a spoiled brat back then, haha!) I felt a little disappointed because our internet connection was discontinued and I was planning to write something for my blog about my day of course. So I wasn't on the mood the whole day + the struggles that we still face everyday, it just makes things feel harder, like I don't want to wake up the next day. But God's word reminds me that He's got it, nothing to worry about.
By the way, last year, I spent my debut with relatives and friends who surprised me and I'm thankful for that. If you're one of those who helped surprise me and make me happy that day, please know that your efforts didn't go unnoticed, I appreciate all of it, and I'm thankful that you spent your time, effort and money just for that. Thank you!
Over all, my year was good. Nothing more, nothing less. There were changes compared to last year. I experienced all those sad times, when I felt like relationships with friends and relatives were broken, and it's seriously damaged. It's not easy to bring back whatever it was like before.
Sometimes, we jump into so many assumptions about someone and by that, we don't know how big the wound is that it would seriously take a lot of time to heal. It's that feeling when I started to build walls around people because I was afraid to get hurt all the more. The problem was even taken to Facebook, deleting me as friend which is by the way, not a big deal to me.
It's just cheap to put your problems on social media, a reason that gives me something to laugh about. Anyway, God is good because He reveals who your true friends are. I have little, but I know that they'll be there to help me get back up whenever I fall down. Even then, I thank Godfor those who are trying to reach out no matter what. The good thing about the past year? Yes, I got to take free online courses about writing which helped me discover my love for writing. And guess what....................................I love writing!
I won't be able to update my blogs regularly like before because our internet connection is not getting paid unless we have the money to do so. Lately, we've been into lots of financial problems and I literally don't know where we'd take money to pay all these and that. It's tiring and I'm so friggin' tired of all these, but I'm not giving up. The problems I'm facing? Well, it's just a tiny bit of all the problems that others are experiencing in the other side of the world. It's just these times where I feel like writing to relieve myself from the pressure that the world is weighing on me. Anyway, I'm convinced that God is able to do things beyond my expectations. He's bigger, remember? Trust. Faith. Hope. These 3 are the reasons I still keep going. By reading this, you'll figure out that I'm quite depressed about what's happening, so please pray for my family that we will get through all these problems Godspeed.
So here, I'm writing this in an Internet Cafe just nearby...
Enjoy your day!
Til next time,
I'm just an ordinary girl who loves to write
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