Here I am once again, sitting in front of the laptop, hearing a children’s song playing faintly in the background.
“ Open, shut, open shut”. I guess it’s time for them to eat now and have some snacks. Some of them may be too excited for their parents to pick them up while some are just having the time of their lives. They don’t worry about the next minute or two but rather live in the moment with their friends and enjoy the time being. Times like these make me think of how much time we really have left in this earth. In this but temporary home that we live in. How long do we still have before our Father comes and picks us up? How long do we still have to wait? Should we be excited or should we just forget that there is an end to all of these and someday, we’ll soon be going home – to our real home. Last night, the topic I read from the daily bread was about making our days count here on earth. Making use of precious time to reconcile, to love, to appreciate, to treasure, to mold, to teach, to help. Really, what do we do when all these suddenly become over? Have I lived a sensible life that I will count as worth it or will I just be one of those people who did enjoy life on earth but haven’t passed on the truth to others. What is that truth? Maybe that truth is that happiness is temporary, it won’t last, and it will not necessarily be called yours but joy – joy is tangible, joy is reachable, joy is everywhere when you open your eyes to see it and your soul to feel it. For some, they only see the real meaning of joy when happiness is not within reach, when they have no choice but to live in the hope of the future. I’m grateful, however, that at a young age I began to recognize the difference between joy and happiness. Happiness – I’ve felt it, I’ve lived in it but it’s long far gone and sometimes i struggle to take a grasp of it. While joy, joy is around me, it surrounds me. The moment I witness the pure laughter of the children I get to be with every week, I try to stop from all the worries and laugh like a kid, live like a kid – full of hope, full of joy. I’m like living in a mini heaven here on earth so that I have a total clue on what heaven is going to be like – where the freedom to be like children on the playground becomes a reality. It’s times like these when I wish that everything would be as easy and hassle- free. It’s times like these when I all the more anticipate the coming of my Heavenly Dad.
It has been weeks since I last wrote an entry here. Many things happened and many problems came that I couldn't find the motivation to write -- although I had so many topics on mind already. Thankfully, I've come across an article about writer's block (though I didn't hit it yet, I was just lazy) and pondered about all the advices and there's one thing that struck me the most. It was written there that the only thing that'll get me writing is actually writing and nothing else. Some of the reasons that made me lose my motivation and enthusiasm in writing is the lack of comfort that I felt .. especially about 2 weeks ago. I won't put what happened into detail but it's one event in my life that'll never escape my mind the tiniest bit. What happened was scary and life-threatening and I was afraid. Even though I know that only a few people may know about it, I feel like all the people surrounding me actually have an idea about it and I'm ashamed. I feel like I lost that little reputation I had left for myself. I resorted on deactivating my social media accounts to make sure I wouldn't be that visible out there and never edited my blog whatsoever. And I couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't because I didn't want to. I couldn't because I didn't want to welcome any more questions. I couldn't because I've put up walls that I, myself, could not break.
The past few days have been pretty awful for me. I had sleepless nights thinking of nothing but the problems I've been facing. Sometimes, even when I am not directly involved in one, I still find myself wallowing in self pity that I begin to feel miserable; and I suddenly hate myself for being worthless — living such a complicated and complex kind of life. No matter how I try to pacify myself, sometimes the need to "shed tears in sorrow" until I fall asleep is just inevitable. I feel like I did all that I could do: Pray and meditate, think positively etc, but sadly none has helped me. I end up playing the blaming game and blame all the surrounding sadness on me, because of me. I know some of you might think that I'm just plain depressed and merely over-acting. But all these feelings come from the need of something. The need of God, most probably.
So even if I'm struggling every single day, I still find myself relying on God's strength alone to continue the race set before me.
And just in time, God spoke to me through His word at church earlier. I could've been something else, even worse but God's grace changed all of it. I think, I just need some time to be relieved from the thick clouds of despair that keeps on blinding me from the truth that God loves me and He is better.
Here's the song our Pastor shared earlier.. It will explain God's grace in a clearer way. Enjoy!
Hey guys! I hope you all are having a great day so far. Life has been steady for me the past week. Nothing much has happened. I have only been struggling to get 8 hours of sleep as I'm easily interrupted nowadays. Also, I and my sisters started to workout/exercise as well. We have been planning to do so months ago, but we always get too lazy to do it. I just hope that we'd be determined enough to get the hang of it and faithfully work on it.
Anyway, this post has got to be one of the exciting ones I'll be doing as it is one way to discover new blogs and be discovered by answering questions. I have been tagged by Abbie of abbiechic.com and here it is... The Blogger Tag
Hi everyone! I would like to greet you all a Happy Halloween — well to those celebrating it. To be honest, I grew up really not celebrating this occasion as I was brought up that way. But since pumpkins are really popular nowadays, I've decided to share with you a squash meal to make up for it. My mom loves cooking this meal because of the health benefits we get from it. Also, I'm really fascinated on how food blogging works and would certainly love to explore further!
Let's get our Jack-o-Lanterns ready and start the slicing!
Chainsmokers' new song entitled "All We Know" has been stuck on my mind lately. Here's the video so you can listen to it.
Hi everyone! This is a post going to be about my birthday last Monday; specifically the food on the table that day. It's been years that I was dreading the day I'd be 20. If you know me personally, or if you're someone closest to me, then you'd understand why. I really don't understand why I automatically felt that way but my 20th didn't turn out that bad after all. The night before my birthday, we ate chocolate ice cream and watched the movie Me Before You. That film was incredible and at the same time, I also have a little of a love-hate relationship with the author for making such a tragic plot. Uggghh. The tears I was supposedly going to shed so I'd be a little emotional for leaving my teenage years behind, was all used up because of the movie. So when the clock ticked 12 at midnight, I was crying too much for Will choosing to die leaving Clarke alone. Forgive me for being such a spoiler but you're surely going to cry if you haven't watched the film yet.
Anyway, here's how my day went: We didn't have car so we didn't go out or roamed somewhere else aside from our house. We stayed in and my mom just cooked some yummy Flipino food to make up for it. You know, I'm not the one who'd necessarily want grand celebrations or something expensive. What makes my birthday a better one is when people remember it that makes my day a lot more special. I've had loads of greeting on Facebook and on Twitter too. I was also extremely happy that day as I hosted #beechat on Twitter. There were lots who greeted me over there. Thanks to Charlene!
Also, I've been really eating so much and decided that this post would be a shout-out to the food we gobbled up. Here are some of the photos. I tried to be as good as a food blogger but obviously I'm not good enough, forgive me!
Hello! The photo above was the flowers I got from a kid's mom in the last summer camp I've joined. Cool, right? There were problems that came up the past week that my family's really worried about things and how to solve them. We haven't attended church last Friday as we had no car so we just watched the service via live streaming. It was okay but it's still different to be at the actual place itself.
Anyway, here's my Sunday Currently entry for today..
Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. It's the classic book that we're studying on now and I'm glad we came across it. Also, I'm done reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I really fell in love with the story
The Sunday Currently Volume 5
to Sunday Pinasaya as my sisters are watching it while I'm writing this up
house clothes that are really comfy
this time I get to write this post and the new theme I chose for my blog. I got really afraid at first because it didn't seem to be responsive on phones but thankfully, I got to ask Weebly for help and they did!
a really happy life, free of stress and pressure
a good movie to watch!
a bit anxious as it's my birthday tomorrow. I don't know what to feel or am I just over-reacting and all. I just hope that there will be answers to my prayers asap
That's it! Hope you like it :) It's a bit boring but I love writing for this..
Join the Sunday Currently linkup by siddathornton
Hello! The photo above was taken last January 2015 at the Miracle Garden, as we celebrated New Year with our family / relatives. Anyway, today has been pretty hectic for me. After home study, we went straight to Sharjah Public Diary to borrow some books and taught piano/guitar lessons to our friends also residing in Sharjah. I'm totally drained because I haven't had enough sleep last night for some unknown reasons. Nevertheless, I'm genuinely thankful that I got to borrow "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho from the library. I have always been wanting to read the book and so even if my eyes are bulging out because of sleepiness, here I am, done with a few pages; still managing to write this blog and read even more.
Here's my Sunday Currently entry to keep you updated..
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte and Emma by Jane Austen.
The first book is actually really easy to understand while I must say that the following two books are a bit of a challenge as they're all Classic novels. It certainly needs more effort to be able to decipher every word, but as I go on everyday, I become more interested in the plot and the superb writing as well.
A guest post about volunteering; Sunday Currently volume 04
to the noise that our AC is creating
shorts and a white t-shirt
the time we spent at the library earlier! Nothing beats the silence and the calm atmosphere while being surrounded with books.
a good night's sleep; I would absolutely want to get some uninterrupted slumber.
God's given wisdom to decide whether we (my family) keep fighting this battle or we just let it go and move on.
accomplished for being able to write this without the feeling of laziness even if my eyes are literally about to fall. I just don't want to sleep in the late afternoon as I won't be able to sleep right away tonight. So instead, I tire myself even more and get the much needed deep sleep that I desire! hahaha
There you go, guys! Have a nice day slash night. . .
At church this morning, the topic shared by our pastor was about second chances. Our pastor cited different characters from the Bible; those who sinned big time yet were given second chances by God. This topic is one of my favorite knowing that I, a sinner myself, experienced the beauty of God's free gift which I never really deserved in the first place. Nowadays it's quite easy to let our anger or hatred towards someone get the better of us. To be honest, we're horrendously quick in making judgments. We're terrible at controlling ourselves, whether it be towards temptation, hatred, greed, gluttony — name it! What we have to be reminded of however, is the fact that we totally have no right to feel good about ourselves when we know that someone out there deserves or is waiting for a second chance from us.
During the talk, a short clip on Les Miserables was also shown. A scene where the bishop, being betrayed and cheated, still refused to have the man (Jean Valjean) jailed or punished because of obnoxiously stealing his precious silverware. The scene further explicates God's grace to us. That despite of being rejected, mocked and abused still came down and offered us what we ARE NOT, AT ALL, WORTHY OF. I just love how a simple musical show can illustrate what it means to be justified from sin, rescued from the pit of darkness and loved beyond what words can say. So today, the lesson I learned is. . . that however mad or hurt I felt/feel because of someone, I should always give them the benefit of the doubt. If God, in all His splendor chose to forgive us and make things right, who am I not to do the same?
A mixture of life, love, faith, and everything in between. Welcome to my space!
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