The past few days have been pretty awful for me. I had sleepless nights thinking of nothing but the problems I've been facing. Sometimes, even when I am not directly involved in one, I still find myself wallowing in self pity that I begin to feel miserable; and I suddenly hate myself for being worthless — living such a complicated and complex kind of life. No matter how I try to pacify myself, sometimes the need to "shed tears in sorrow" until I fall asleep is just inevitable. I feel like I did all that I could do: Pray and meditate, think positively etc, but sadly none has helped me. I end up playing the blaming game and blame all the surrounding sadness on me, because of me. I know some of you might think that I'm just plain depressed and merely over-acting. But all these feelings come from the need of something. The need of God, most probably.
So even if I'm struggling every single day, I still find myself relying on God's strength alone to continue the race set before me.
And just in time, God spoke to me through His word at church earlier. I could've been something else, even worse but God's grace changed all of it. I think, I just need some time to be relieved from the thick clouds of despair that keeps on blinding me from the truth that God loves me and He is better.
Here's the song our Pastor shared earlier.. It will explain God's grace in a clearer way. Enjoy!
I'm just an ordinary girl who loves to write
But a mist
Life is but a handful of rambutan // Show me who You are
When plans get cancelled
Heaven in Focus
The Sunday Currently | 12
Falling Into You
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